Everyone tries being someone else. What's so bad about being yourself? [entries|friends|calendar] Hillary [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[06 Aug 2007|12:50am] [ mood | awake ] Well, as you can pretty much tell I havent posted an entry in a good, long while. Needless to say, I figured it was time for an update. This weekend brought on so many mixed emotions it was almost unbearable. One of the people that helped make the somewhat "bad" is probably someone you can guess, and it wasn't Charlie. Although being here for him didn't really make matters any better, either. I cant even openly discuss how I feel, even on LJ for fear of someone reading it and taking it the wrong way. I honestly am NOT trying to ruin Chris's marriage/relationship with his wife. That's 9 years of his life that I dont want to mess up but honestly, I can't help how I feel. As Dave would put it, my final word for tonight would be BLARGH. post comment

[02 Dec 2005|06:49am] [ mood | tired ] Oh joy. Waking up at 6 everyday kind of sucks. School starts the 11th of January. I'm excited for that! I'm taking english 1O1, math 1O1, general psychology, and contemporary moral issues. I have to leave for work in t minus 1O. Actually I dont know what that means, but I leave for work in 1O minutes. Another pointless blog. post comment

[27 Nov 2005|01:48am] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | The clicking of my keyboard ] I feel so unloved and what-not. I get no comments. How sad. Plus, life kind of just.. well.. sucks. Not to mention that it's close to being 2AM. So yes. I dont know. I dont think there's a point to this. I shall leave you be. Dont mind me. post comment

[22 Nov 2005|05:49pm] [ mood | crappy ] Well. Work is going good so far. It's pretty easy to get the hang of things. I get paid this week so I'm very very happy about that. Other than that life sucks. Hah... Yet, I'm not joking around. *sighs* post comment

[15 Nov 2005|06:16pm] [ mood | complacent ] So I started my new job at the hospital today. I had orientation yesterday which was oh so exciting.</sarcasm> But today I started my training. I learned how to prep the charts for scanning and tomorrow I get to prep charts for half the day and then learn how to scan them. Oh yay! More excitement!!</sarcasm> Let's see. Nothing else is really new. Tomorrow is my one month anniversary with Josh. If we hadn't of broken up earlier this year, this month would really be our 1 year & 2 month anniversary. But, oh well. The only thing going really well for me right now is my job. Things with Josh are... confusing and depressing, to say the least. School is going not so well because my mom wont look for her freaking income taxes for last year so I cant finish my financial aid papers and my mom doesnt have my college money anyways because she spent it on bills or some crap. So yeah, I currently have no money to go to college yet I have to pay tuition by next month. Joy joy. So yeah, make what you will of my life. post comment

[02 Nov 2005|04:16pm] [ mood | naughty ] [ music | Dont Look Down ;; Can You Hear Me? ] I'm late about this, I know. But you're gonna have to just deal with it. The trip to Memphis was fantastic. The drive was long and tiring but it was well worth it. I'm so glad that Charlie invited us to stay with him for the weekend. I had so much fun. I have to admit though, I was disappointed that Chris made no effort to see me or Shawna. I'm not exactly sure what to think or do about the situation. I should probably call/email him and ask him the questions that have been going through my mind, but at the same time I just want to say "The hell with everything..." and just walk away from it all. Boys are so... ugh. Not every boy, but most of them. Although, I can guarantee that what happened this year at the con will not EVER happen again. Oi.. I swear.. post comment

[25 Oct 2005|09:53pm] [ mood | curious ] [ music | Sugarcult ;; Daddy's Little Defect ] Gosh. I dont know where to start. I have so much crap going through my head right now. I just need to let it all out I guess, but I dont know if I should really say it. I dont like people being in my thoughts, but this is just bugging me SO much. Everytime I think of Chris, and I mean EVERYTIME, this song just plays in my head. I know most of you have probably never heard it but it's a song by Fallout Boy. One single line plays over and over again... "I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake." I feel like I'm a bad person. But at the same time, I dont. I dont know. It confuses me. I started dating Josh again and I'm extremely happy about that. But we dont talk often and it's very frustrating. It's already bad enough that we live hundreds of miles away from each other, and then the fact that sometimes we go a few days without talking is very heartbreaking and it hurts. I got a job, but I havent started the training for it yet and I'm starting to get frustrated with that as well. I NEED a job. Cars + insurance and all that other crap isnt free. And I need to start saving up so that I can move out because I can NOT live with my parents forever. I'll kill myself before that happens. I'm hoping that sometime within the next year and a half - two years, I can get enough saved up to be able to move out and get an apartment with Josh. I was thinking about him today because well, obviously he's my boyfriend so I'm gonna think about him, but there's just so much about him that I love. And he doesnt understand what I see in him. One of the last times we were together he asked me what was so great about him and I was being honest when I said everything, but he said it was just a cop-out. But I do think everything about him is great. He makes me a better person when I'm with him. But, the point I was trying to get at, I was thinking about him and I realized that he's the only guy I could ever possibly see myself with in the future. I can see myself marrying him. I've never been able to do that with any other guy. Life isn't the best right now, but it's not complete shit I suppose. School starts in January for me so I'm excited. It'll be nice to get out of this house and not be going to one of my parents' offices to do work for them. I'm surprised that I'm actually looking forward to school. I always hated highschool, but now I realize that I actually like school. I dont know, I guess this entry was completely useless but I just wanted to get some things out I suppose. Blah. I ramble too much. </3 3 comments|post comment

Pissed? Oh yes. [24 Oct 2005|11:55am] [ mood | stressed ] To say the least, I'm extremely irritated and pissed off at the moment. A certain person, we wont name any names, before leaving the con told me to email him and blah blah frickidy blah. So I do. And what happens? He doesnt EVER email me back. Yes, I could call him but if he doesnt answer my emails, what makes me think he'll answer my phone calls? And another thing. So he made a post or something and some person left an anonymous comment that was apparently rude and what-not. I dont know. I didnt see that post. I didnt see the comment. So he emails me(oh, go figure) and asks if that was me. Uh hello?! If I wanted to do that, I'll call you and say whatever I need to say, whether you answer your phone or I'd have to leave a message. How can someone accuse me of something like that? Do I seem like I'd do that? o__O Apparently I do. Sorry.. I'm just.. really fucking frustrated right now(pardon my language). Gah. Screw you. And you KNOW exactly who you are. "I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake..." 1 comment|post comment

Confused? Yus... I think so. [21 Oct 2005|02:17pm] [ mood | cheerful ] So Hillary ish very very confused. Why you ask? Because I think two of my friends are fighting, but I'm not sure. I feel so left out. My, oh my, this just sucks. If you two are fighting(and you would know who you are), I hope you get things worked out because that's what friend's do. I love you both, tons. Yes'm. I do. But on a happier note, I'm dating Josh again! Oh yes. Hillary gets some lovin'. Cause obviously, I wasnt getting it from anyone else. I'm happy. AND, my birthday was this past monday. I'm now 19. God. I feel so... young. <3 1 comment|post comment

Uhhh? [12 Oct 2005|07:06pm] [ mood | cheerful ] Leave a message and: 1. I'll respond with something random about you. 2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you. 3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in. 4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. 5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you. 6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of. 7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you. 8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written. 5 comments|post comment

[27 Sep 2005|01:56pm] [ mood | blah ] The con was absolutely amazing. I loved seeing everyone again. I've missed you guys like crazy and it sucks that we only get to see each other once a year, but HOPEFULLY if all goes well, then we'll be able to see each other again soon! Yayyy. That makes Hillary very happy. I must say though, Sunday at the con I was pretty down and didn't feel up to doing much. So instead of getting to spend Sunday night with my friends that would be leaving in the morning and having a good time, I moped around and fell asleep. When I got home I was looking through my icons and I found SO many that made me think of someone and the situation that I'm in at the moment. I swear, I think way too much and that's definately not a good thing. There's so much I wanted to say but I just couldnt. He didnt need to hear it. I didnt want to tell him. Well, I'm off. And this year, keep in touch guys(Charlie, Chris, Dave, Lee, etc). <3 post comment

I'M ALIVE!! [19 Sep 2005|09:17am] [ mood | content ] Well damn, I havent updated this thing since like December.. Honestly, I dont know what to say. Once I figure out something I'll give a REAL update. <3 post comment

Something's wrong, this is gonna shock them. Nothing to hold on to.... [02 Dec 2004|04:39pm] [ mood | ditzy ] [ music | Blink 182 ] Love Blink! WOO! Rock on!! \m/ Wow, I'm such a dork. I never update this thing. Umm.. Lotsa stuff has been going on. Josh came down from Maryland over Thanksgiving break. That was friggin AWESOME! I loved every minute of seeing him. I cant wait til he comes back down. Ummm. Let's see. What else. Hm. Nothing. I lead a damn boring life. @_x There's this thing this weekend that I'm going to. My friend's band The Autumn Overcast is playing. It's gonna be great. School. Not much to say about that. It's going well. I've got a 92 in Spanish 2, a 98 in sports marketing, an 86 in English, and I dont know what I have in Algebra3, but I'm passing all my classes. Go me. Well, there's a hockey game tonight. I should go get ready for it. Holler back. Love you all. <3 post comment

How the days go by.... [16 Nov 2004|04:42pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Green Day ] Wow, long time since I've updated this thing. Hm... Life is good. Life is great. Could be a little better though, but I'm really not complaining. I'm pretty pissed off right now. It's a very long story, but yeah. My friend Connie was really upset yesterday, once I found out why I went to the person it involved and bitched them out. Now Charlie(the guy it involved) is pissed at me cause he thinks it's my fault that Connie hates him, when she doesnt hate him. He says I'm jealous b/c he doesn't love me, or some stupid shit like that. I could care less whether he loves me or not, I already have a boyfriend. People are so stupid. Anyways yeah, I just wanted to keep something in here as like proof or what-not if he ever tries to talk to me again. Navino (4:36:36 PM): Next time you have ANY chance with ANYONE else. Navino (4:36:42 PM): I WILL ruin it. I know how sneaky some people are. That's not his full screen name. Mwahaha. Well yeah, Josh(my boyfriend) is coming down from Maryland on Thanksgiving. I'm excited. WOot. Anyways, guess that's it. Later kids. <3 1 comment|post comment

Dont think that your charm and the fact that your arm is now around my neck will get you in my pants [25 Oct 2004|09:57pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Cloud Nine by the Distorted Penguins ] This weekend was definately not long enough. Friday afternoon I went over to Jarrett's house. We hung out. Talked. All that good stuff. Then we went to a hockey game. And the team I wanted to win, lost in overtime. I was upset, but meh.. shit happens. We went back to his house and hung out until it was time for me to go home, so I went home. Saturday I went to lunch with my sister and then we went to another hockey game. Again the team I wanted to win lost in overtime. Very sad, but at least they lost in overtime so they still got a point for the standings. Sunday I did much of nothing. Hung out around the house. That's about it. Today sucked. Went to school. Came home. Watched my little sister. That's about it. I dont do much of anything during the week, except watch my sister. Boring, I know. Friday I'm gonna try to see if Jarrett want's to hang out again, if he does then I'll go over there and we'll figure out something. If he doesn't then I'll see what some of my other friends are up to. But for now, that's it. Catch ya later. <3 4 comments|post comment

Life's a bitch... [18 Oct 2004|05:57pm] [ mood | anxious ] Well, bad news. I can't go to Lostcon. I dont have enough absences in school. This really blows. I wanted to go *so* bad. Stupid stupid school. : ( But yesterday was my 18th birthday. Of course I dont feel any older what-so-ever. Although, I did buy my mom 2 packs of cigarettes. That's about all I did that *really* made me feel like I was 18. I had an awesome weekend, I was busy the whole time. But yeah, just wanted to make a little update on things.. Have a great day everyone. 5 comments|post comment

On a roll [14 Oct 2004|03:10pm] [ mood | sore ] Twice in a row. Damn I'm getting good. :P Anyways, today at my school there was a blood drive. I decided to give blood. I didn't eat anything all day, which I probably should have. I was fine though. It took me a little while longer then everyone else because my blood was dripping out slowly. It took about 25 minutes. It didn't really hurt as much as I thought it would, but it did sting. My arm is sore now. And my finger is sore too, they had to prick it. Other then that, I've done nothing today. I came home early because I was getting extremely hot. And since the classrooms at my school have no control over the temperature, I decided to come home so that I could cool off and get something to eat since I missed lunch at school. My friend and I were in bates hall from 11:15 til about 1:50. Helluva long time, but I missed classes. :P So, that's it for now. I'll update on other things later. <3 post comment

And the clock continues to tick [13 Oct 2004|02:44pm] [ mood | chipper ] Wow. I haven't updated in ages, and yet I have nothing to say. How very sad. I made a new icon, the first one I've ever made. Hot stuff. : P Kidding. But I think it looks pretty good. I love photoshop. It's awesome and makes me feel all tingly inside. Kidding about that too, although I do love photoshop. It's neat-o. And I realize that I just repeated myself... So my birthday is this Sunday. I'm ecstatic. Who wouldn't be happy to be turning 18? Well, I am happy. lol Although, my younger brother will not be home to share this oh-so-wonderful experience with my family and I because he decided to be a goober so he gets to spend the weekend at "camp". How do you like 'dem apples? Well apparently he doesn't like them so much. Maybe if I ask real nicely, I'll get my cell phone back. Mmm.. Good idea Hillary. Just... ask. What's the worst that my dad can say? No. And that definately wouldn't be the end of the world. Yes, so merely my little update of things even though I didn't really "update" you guys on anything. And I totally fuckin' forgot about mailing DM his Zim patch. Must get on that right away. I'm a bad kid. Gahhhh. I hope I still have the email with his address. Bah-humbug. *shakes my head* Well I must be off. Enjoy work everyone because I know that's what EVERY one of you is doing right now. Except me. The life of a highschool kid... <3 17 comments|post comment

Picture this... [04 Oct 2004|05:23pm] [ mood | thankful ] Home alone with a 10 week old kitten running around the entire downstairs. I decide to look for her to bring her upstairs incase she's hungry, thirsty, or has to use the bathroom. I check the living room, not there. I head on out into the computer room, look around and call her name. All I hear is a faint meow. Ah, she must be in the kitchen. Into the kitchen, call her name, faint meow just a tad bit louder. Oh shit, she's behind the fridge. Don't worry, she can get out from behind it, she did it yesterday. Sit next to the fridge and call her name. "Meow..." Oh god, she's fucking stuck behind the fridge. Begin to cry because your 10 week old cat is STUCK BEHIND THE FRIDGE. Call her name some more saying "Come on Pepper, you can get out of there." Start to freak out, open the fridge door for some odd reason and out pops a little kitten. "WTF were you doing INSIDE the fridge?!" And she meows, just as innocently as ever. 6 comments|post comment

Meh... [01 Oct 2004|10:42am] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Dead silence ] I'm thinking new layout for the journal. I'm already getting bored with this one. o__O Anyways.. I've been thinking, which hurts my brain so I try not to do alot of it. Chris = Weird ex Spending time with Chris = Very boring Hillary = Very lonely Hillary spending time with Chris = Desperate act I'm so lonely that I'd actually go and hang out with him. Surprised? You should be. Chris is not one of the people that you can just hang out with. He really has nothing to talk about. So you sit there in silence. Agonizing silence... It never ends. Then you go home and you're thankful you dont have to be with him anymore. Why am I *that* desperate you ask? Because I'm a loser with not many friends and it gets boring staying at home all the time. I'll be glad to turn 18 so I can at least get *into* a bar. (Btw, only 16 days til my birthday). But even then, I'll have no one to go with because the friends that I do have are all under 18. I could go with Shawna, but I'm sure she's got better things to do. Meh.. Why I even try, is beyond me. Life blows. Yes, I am a drama freak. One that is not high maintenance. (You'd have to know the story behind that, so don't ask, unless you want the WHOLE LONG AGONIZING story, which I'm sure you dont want.) So I am going to go be a loser by myself, and look for my Upon A Tragic Ending cd. 8 comments|post comment

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